Today during the “aftermath” of the latest snow storm, my son and I decided to shovel off the deck to make room for the next round of snowfall. For years this has been our yearly routine playing around on the back deck and clearing snow while mom works in the quiet inside. This year – things went a little differently.
Last summer some “new kids” moved in down the street and Pike (being the youngest person in the neighborhood and the only “kid” for years) was so excited to have friends nearby. Typically in a given week he will say, “Are the kids outside? Can I go play with them?” He’s always looking for a chance to play with friends. As an only child – life can get a little lonely. I mean mom and dad are cool (we are really cool, right?) but it’s not the same as the “new kids on the block” (if you get that reference – you, too, are very cool). So whenever he sees the “kids” – I know it’s only a matter of time before he’s bolting out the door to play.
As we shoveled the snow, I heard laughter coming from down the road. I preemptively turned to Pike and said, “You can stay here and help me shovel, or you can go play with the kids.” At that moment, he stuck his shovel into the snow pile like a knight delivering a fatal blow to a defeated foe and said, “It’s been my honor!”(Can we take a moment to acknowledge that I’ve clearly accomplished my duty as a father to raise my son in the ways of epic action movies?)
As I stood alone on the deck, chuckling at the current moment and previous exchange, I realized that while my son was operating in a sense of dramatic emphasis, he was also communicating a deeper truth. He is entering into a new season of life in which friends will soon become the most important relationships to his development (and that’s ok). Sooner than we want, my wife and I will be needed in a very different way while we support his new friends and relationships.
In his incredible book “Raising Emotionally Strong Boys” David Thomas talks about the importance of “Pace Setters” and the need for a boy’s relationships that frame his race of life. In different ways – we will always be pace setters for Pike. As he grows, he will also need peers and friends as pace setters beyond his family. In a small, hilarious, and beautiful way – my son prophetically declared his journey into a rite of passage. “It’s been my honor too, pal, and I’m proud of you.”
Josh Zoerhof 